I recently read an article from Christianity Today's website titled, Why Stay-at-Home Moms Are More Depressed Than Working Moms. The article talked about how, generally, stay at home moms (SAHM) tend to have more negative emotions than moms who work outside the home and the reasons why. I wouldn't say I agree with that completely. I have friends who are moms and work full-time outside of the home and I know that they have ALOT of stress and things on their plate as well. However, from the perspective of a stay at home mom, which I have chosen to be, the article did resonate with me. I can relate to the depression that can easily creep in from the hardships that SAHMs face.
Being a stay at home mom is great. You get to spend so much time with your child(ren), you know that the care they are getting is loving and the best quality they could have, you are their main teacher, you get to set your own schedule and balancing house-management and time with your family is easier. Most importantly though, you get to invest full-time into a precious little person. And not just any little person, but your little person. It is so fulfilling and one of the most important jobs you could ever have.
That being said, SAHMs also face some unique struggles. We are under appreciated by society. Instead of having admiration for moms who choose to stay home and raise their children, there is often a false, negative notion that they sit around all day and don't really do much. Also, our present culture simply does not put much value on a woman's role in the home. SAHMs can also struggle with the monotony of the day-in, day-out routine of taking care of your house and kids. Cleaning, changing diapers, wiping food off the kitchen floor, picking up the same toys... It is true, there is not much variety in the weekly life of a SAHM. Isolation and loneliness can also be a struggle for stay at moms. We are with our kid(s) all day long and it is not unusual to have no adult interaction all day until your spouse comes home from work. On top of that, having young children especially can make it harder to go out places or get together with friends in the evenings.
Like so many others, I am not immune to the negative emotions being a SAHM can bring. I've experienced feelings of depression, loneliness, and boredom with the seemingly mundane. However, I can honestly say that I love being home with my son full-time and being a homemaker. I wouldn't have it any other way. In general, I am a very happy stay at home mom. So, I wanted to share a few tips of things that I do to keep myself having a positive attitude and enjoying what I do.
1. Have a cleaning/house maintenance schedule. If you are anything like me, when my house is a mess and things are chaotic around me I feel stressed. Whereas, if my environment is clean and fairly organized I am much more relaxed and content. I have found that keeping up with a daily schedule of chores I need to do to keep my house functioning smoothly really helps. I don't spend hours cleaning every day, but I do have certain small things I do each day along with one specific cleaning task assigned to a different week day. For example, every day, I keep the sink clear of dishes, pick-up around the house, etc. Example of weekly chores would be: Tuesdays I vacuum the house. Wednesdays I clean the bathrooms, etc. By doing it this way and just staying on top of things I have found that my house stays clean and I don't ever feel overwhelmed and like I have to clean everything all at once. Maybe I'll post my entire cleaning schedule on here one day soon. I know that, especially in the beginning when I was trying to come up with a good house maintenance routine, I found it helpful to look at other people's schedules.
2. Set daily goals. Write down some things you want to get done during your day. That way you don't wake up and think "well, what am I going to do today?" or end up wasting your day away. Having an idea of what you want to accomplish that day gives you a sense of purpose. For example, today I wanted to vacuum the house (because I didn't get to it last week), go to the grocery store, write this blog post, and read a chapter in the book I am currently reading. I don't try to plan a ton of things to do, because my main focus is to take care of my son. Also, I try to be flexible. If it's a day that my baby is just requiring more attention than usual for one reason or another, I don't stress about trying to get everything else done.
3. Get dressed. Now, let's be realistic. I shoot for being dressed and fully ready by 11:00ish. Ha! It does help you to feel more motivated to get things done and you just feel better when you are dressed and even have make-up on.
4. Get out of the house. Even if it's just to go on a short walk, there is something about leaving your house, getting some fresh air, and having a change of environment for a bit that does wonders for your mood. I am not of the camp that thinks you need to go somewhere everyday. I certainly don't. I am a homebody and often times I won't even realize how much I need to get out of the house until I do. We live in a very small town, so our options on places to go are really limited, but I do try to get out with my son a few times a week. Whether it's to go to the grocery store, the park, or a walk around the neighborhood. I think it does both of us good.
5. Connect with people. This can be a hard one for a SAHM. The idea of having play dates all the time and mommy and me groups to go to sounds awesome, but, at least in my experience, these are harder to come by than you might think. Like I said earlier, we do live in a small town and I am not aware of any organized mom groups close to us. I have found that it's important for me to be intentional and pro-active to arrange a play date with a friend. Calling friends who live far away is also a great way to stay connected with people. And you don't even have to leave your house to do it. Another great way to connect with people is through church. Don't just go to the main worship service, but get involved in a small group or Sunday School class. It's a great way to connect with others!
6. When you do have time for yourself (no matter how minimal) spend it doing something "productively fun". What I mean by this is, instead of spending your precious down time on Facebook or random internet surfing, do something that is going to help you feel refreshed afterwards. I enjoy spending time on the internet, but I find that if I just do that during my down time, my "me moments" don't feel as rewarding as the times I pick up a good book and read just a little bit, or write a blog post, or even paint my nails. These activities are still recharging, relaxing and fun for me, but I feel more fulfilled and rewarded by the end of my precious time for actually having spent time on hobbies I enjoy or just pampering myself a little as opposed to if I just sat on the couch and looked at Facebook for 30 minutes. That's not to say I never do that, because there are plenty of times when I do! :)
Those are just a few things I thought of that help me to stay positive and happy as a SAHM.
What are some things you do/did to help you beat feelings of depression and loneliness as a stay at home mom?
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