Our little Braxton is 2 months old now and I can hardly believe it. Time does fly! After spending the first several weeks caring for a newborn and accomplishing only what is absolutely necessary (does a shower really count as necessary?) I finally began to feel like I was getting somewhat of a grasp on things and slowly attempting to rejoin the world. Now, 10 weeks after giving birth, I've got a somewhat steady flow to my days again. The days are busier than they were before and my time is no longer my own. Taking care of a baby is a 24/7 job! You say, "Uh, duh Kelly". Seriously though, people tell you how much work a baby is and you know this is true in your head, but nobody can really prepare you for the reality of it. Once you find yourself flung into motherhood, you just have to jump right into the deep end. No wading in the shallow water while slowly working your way over to the deep end. Hard work. 24/7. However, it is also true what they say that there is such a deep instant love you gain for your child the moment they are born. And all the hard work, the sleepless nights, the round the clock feedings are so worth it. While I most definitely have my moments of frustration and stress, I am trying to intentionally remember to cherish these times when he is so small because I know it will all go by way too fast. I absolutely love being a mom and I love my little guy to pieces!
As many know, Braxton was born February 22, 2012 via c-section. I've been wanting to share my story on here and have been putting it together little by little... by little by little as I find the time to write. I have to be honest and say that part of me hesitated in posting the story on the blog only because there is some controversy when it comes to c-sections. I have heard the term "birth rape" and know that some women out there do feel as if they were pressured into having a c-section or had little to no choice in the matter. Let me just say that I do not feel that way at all. I made the decision to go this route because it was the best idea for our family. While I may have missed out on the physical contractions and pushing during labor, what I didn't miss out on was a positive, blissful birthing experience.
Here is how it all transpired. I've tried to keep it as short as I can without missing any of the important details. So, grab a cup and read on.
We went to the doctor for my 38 week check-in on Thursday, February 16. Before this time the baby still had not dropped and I was not dilated at all. I went to the doctor that afternoon hoping for some good news that I had dilated even 1 cm. It turned out I hadn't and it was confirmed that his head was still very high up and not even close to engaging the pelvis. We had an ultrasound done and, after taking some measurements, my doctor explained that it was extremely probable that the baby's head was too large to fit through my small pelvic bones. Hence, he wasn't dropping because he just wasn't fitting and basically was floating around in there. After discussing things over with our doctor we decided that I would come back on Monday to see if there was any change and go from there. I won't go into all the details and length of the conversation, but by the time we left I knew it was very likely I would be having a c-section.
That afternoon, after finding out that a c-section was a strong possibility, I had mixed emotions. Part of me was excited that I very well could be holding my baby in my arms by this time next week. The other part of me was caught off guard and a little sad about the thought of missing out on the labor experience. Afterall, I always thought I would have a vaginal delivery. I never envisioned myself having a c-section before. Also, I wondered how this might affect future births since I've heard that a vaginal delivery after a c-section does have risks. Another part of me was afraid of what the recovery might be like. Then there was another part of me that just wanted to do what was best for the baby, whatever that turned out to be. All of these thoughts and feelings were going on in my head and heart. Over the weekend I prayed about it and talked to several friends who had had c-sections before for various reasons. They were all very encouraging and offered good advice for the recovery time. I'm so glad I had them for support and as a resource. By the end of that weekend I felt much more confident with going the route of a c-section if that's what ended up happening.
Well, Monday came and no change. Again, I'll spare you the ins and out of a long conversation, but after consulting with our doctor and talking through all of our options we decided that a c-section was the way to go. We scheduled it for that Wednesday morning (2-22-2012). I felt very peaceful about the decision and excited to know that I was going to see my baby very soon!
However, I made a mistake that night and got on the internet to read stories other people had posted about their recoveries. It seemed like almost every story I read was negative. Stories of horrible pain afterwards, barely being able to walk around, infections, etc. By the time I had read about ten of these experiences others had had, I was FREAKING out. I called my mom and, like all good mothers do, she helped me to calm down and gave the very wise advice to stay off of the internet, saying that most people who post online about things like that tend to be the ones who have had bad experiences. I didn't type "c-section recovery" into google one more time after that.
My parents and sister came into town on Tuesday. Since Zach and I live an hour away from the hospital and my c-section was scheduled for 7:00 a.m. the next morning we just checked into the hospital at midnight and spent the night there. Of course, I didn't get any sleep. Maybe two hours. Maybe.
A nurse came into the room at about 5:30 a.m. Wednesday morning to put my IV in. She had to do it twice because it didn't work the first time. Ouch! Seriously, getting the IV ended up being the most painful part of the entire process. Once it was in we waited until it was time to be taken to the operating room.
At 8:50 a.m. it was finally time and they wheeled me back there. Once in the room, a nurse had me sit up on the table with my back rolled and my chin tucked under so that the anesthesiologist could give me a spinal tap. I was pretty nervous about this part but it was not that bad. It hurt a little, like an extremely strong bee sting, but was over quickly. Right afterwards the nurses had me lie back on the table and immediately I could feel my legs starting to go numb. After just a few minutes I was numb from my toes to the middle of my stomach. It was the strangest feeling but also fascinating at the same time. I couldn't move my legs or feet at all.
In the process of me going numb, my doctor and another doctor came in. Zach came in soon after that, dressed in scrubs. I was so happy to see him even though I had only been in there for about 10 minutes at this point. I told Zach how weird it felt not to be able to feel my legs at all. I began to feel tugging and pulling on my stomach, but no pain. Zach asked the doctor if he could take pictures with his iPad when the time came to pull the baby out. I began to feel some pressure, like something was pushing down on my stomach. The anesthesiologist was asking Zach questions about his Ipad and then we started talking about books we were reading..... Oh wait! The doctor told Zach to get ready because the baby was coming NOW!
I'll never forget the sound of that first cry. The sweetest, most wonderful sound I'd ever heard. Then I saw my baby boy's beautiful face over the curtain. I was in such a state of euphoria during that moment. After measuring and weighing him, he was given to Zach to hold. The first question I asked was "What color is his hair?" We had wondered if he would get my red hair. Zach responded, "It looks like he has my brown hair."
Zach brought him over to where I was so I could see him up close. I loved him so much already. I was only able to see him for a few minutes before Zach took him up to the nursery to be bathed.
(Sidenote: I had been given the choice earlier of whether I wanted him to be taken to be bathed while I got stitched up or keeping him in the OR next to me until I was finished. I had decided to let him be taken to the nursery as long as Zach went with him). It took about 20 minutes for them to stitch me up and then I was taken to a recovery room. With my family and Zach up in the nursery area, I was alone in the recovery room for 30 minutes. I was ready to see and hold my son and it seemed to take forever for them to bring him back to me. That was the one part of the whole experience that I didn't really care for. However, I was also very tired from lack of sleep, so at least I was able to have a little bit of time to close my eyes and think about what had just happened. I had just had a baby. Wow! After about an hour, Braxton was brought down from the nursery and I finally got to hold my son for the first time. It was such a wonderful moment.
The whole birth/c-section was a great experience for me. One of the best moments of my life.
I'll just say a few words about my recovery. I think it went as well as it could have gone considering I had stomach surgery. The first day I rested in bed, but the second day I was up and walking around some. Sitting up in bed after laying down was pretty painful (like a knife cutting across your stomach), but once I was up and moving around (albeit slowly) it was not too bad. A little sore at most. I did make sure to stay on top of my pain meds. I took them on time and made sure they didn't wear off. I was in the hospital for 2 days and was getting around pretty well by the time I left to go home. I also took laxatives to help with my bowel movements the first week after (tmi?), which made the bathroom experience extremely tolerable. I had a sharp pain near the incision when I had to go from laying to sitting or sitting to standing, and it did hurt to cough or laugh, but after about a week and a half I stopped taking the pain meds because I didn't need them anymore. By the end of the second week I felt back to my normal self. My incision has healed up very nicely as well.
Braxton Lane Kennedy was born, through an incredibly beautiful and peaceful c-section, at 9:24 am on Wednesday, February 22, 2012.
